| 1. |
Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and
birth control. |
| 2. |
Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children.
Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the
world needs more children. |
| 3. |
Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children. |
| 4. |
Straight marriage will be less meaningful if
gay marriage is allowed,
since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful. |
| 5. |
Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed
at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is
illegal. |
| 6. |
Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the
majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected
the rights of the minorities. |
| 7. |
Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours,
the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why
we have only one religion in America. |
| 8. |
Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that
hanging around tall people will make you tall. |
| 9. |
Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behaviour. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. |
| 10. |
Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at
home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children. |
| 11. |
Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual
marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to
new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or
longer life spans. |
| 12. |
Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a
different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is
always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked
just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will. |