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Airline Gripes
After every flight, pilots fill
out a form called a "gripe sheet", which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the
flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower
half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot
reviews the "gripe sheets" before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground
crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual
logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by
Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the
pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost
needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except
auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold
mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main
landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise from under instrument
panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. |